5 Ways To Navigate Crisis
We all navigate highs, lows, pivots, tragedy, success, joy, and love throughout our lives. And we will all manage intense stress and crises of some kind. The truth is, if you’re human, you’re not avoiding the bad times, and no one has a life free of stress, or some rock bottom.
I’ve done my share of surviving them. These were intensely stressful times I didn’t know if I’d survive, or how. Here are a few:
Near-death car crash
Severe chronic stomach issues + hair loss + panic attacks + move to NYC + new high pressure job + can barely pay rent or eat
Death of brother + relationship end + hypergrowth at company + promotion/on exec team
Assault
Moved cross country + new business + pregnant with an under 2 year old + leg of my company I just started at dissolved
Near death from pulmonary emboli + friend & relationship trauma
Divorce + covid + home displacement + financial hardship + fires + CPSTD + more…
But I did survive! I emotionally endured them and grew A LOT from them along the way. I’ve learned how to stay resilient and find inner calm in spite of the crises, stress, and chaos. It took a lot of trial and error to do it in healthy ways, but ultimately I developed a toolkit I use personally, and whole heartedly recommend to clients and friends.
Whether it’s chronic health issues, death, the end of a relationship, injury, a stressful company reorg, layoff, mental illness, addiction, one of the global crises impacting you OR a combination of the above (which it almost always is) you are not alone, and you can survive it.
I can’t tell you exactly how to do it. Our bodies do what is required to survive, and you are unique. What I do know are healthy coping strategies, and what worked for me in those experiences (a lot of which were objectively unsurvivable), which were also science-backed tools; so there is both experience + evidence informing what I share.
It’s up to you to decide how to cope, but know you can survive it, and when you do - you will be more resilient than when you started, and you’ll appreciate what you do have.
If you’re in stress and in crisis now, I am so very sorry. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but on the other side, you’ll realize this experience is an important part of you. The whole you; you and all your experiences (especially the crises) come together to create a rich life, so long as you develop the tools to manage them along the way.
Here’s how I managed the most stressful, chaotic, times of crises in my life:
Build Your Support Team
I recognize what I’m about to say comes with privilege. But, during one 3-year period, I abruptly had no money, no home, and no emotional support among other things. This was no time for pride, so I begged for all the help. I asked for money, I had 2 therapists, lawyers, a psychiatrist, as well as friends, family, and community who were crucial in my survival. They provided support, love, advocacy, accountability, and the tangibles I needed to get through. They also provided a very much-needed external perspective, and tools/resources required to make high-quality, efficient decisions which I could not do when I was in such a clinically traumatic, and negative headspace that impeded my “normal” abilities. Consciously build your team, because you getting through depends on it. Talk to them, be there with them, communicate explicitly what is happening, and ask for help - especially the things you’re embarrassed or afraid of. And if you can’t get your head wrapped around what to ask for, hire someone to help because brain fog and anxiety are likely part of your crisis which makes it hard to think.
Focus on Bare Essentials
During my last big 4-year long stress monster, at one point I took 3 months off from work, and stripped everything but the basics out because I could feel myself hanging on by a thread - and note I shouldn’t have waited that long. I was in therapy, talking with my coach, exercising, eating, sleeping, working with my psychiatrist, and having a little fun (as much as COVID allowed at least). Take a step back and plan food, exercise, breaks, socializing, fun, and most importantly, get external support (therapist, coach, etc.). Strip back your work and things that use your emotional and logistical capacity. This is the time if you have the access to proactively take time off: take a Leave of Absence, use your PTO for vacation, clear your schedule of the non-vitals, and say no a lot. Sometimes work can be a very good distraction, but other times it’s just eating away at your ability to process the reality of your situation. Remember that your well-being is vital to surviving, and remember that if you need to be there for others, you can’t when you’re not centering your life on your own bare essentials. Powering through is not sustainable, and you will reach a breaking point that’s avoidable if you manage it now. Your wellness is your foundation.
Say What’s Important
My kids are always at the center of what I do. What is your reason for surviving this all, and what makes it important that you get through this in the most healthy way possible? Is it your kids? Is it your independence? Is it your long-term happiness and growth for your next chapter? Is it your family’s financial security? Is it your impact/mission at your company? Whatever it is, articulate it clearly, and spend consistent time focused on that. Don’t just say it in your head because that doesn't work. Record it in a memo, and put it on a post-it where you can see it. Journal about it, read it out loud, or say it out loud to others more than once. I’m being brutally honest when I tell you that focus; my kids are what kept me alive, and moving forward every day. Saying it will keep you focused, will keep you accountable, AND doing these will “install” the message in your brain’s neural pathways, which establish more positive patterns - ultimately, replacing and improving the negative thoughts that pop up and say “there’s no point to this”, “ I can’t do this”, etc. These keep you positive and focused on that meaningful future for yourself, and keep you moving forward when it feels impossible.
Let it Fuel You
Of course, it’s normal to feel lethargic, anxious and unproductive, sad and wanting to lay in bed all day, or doing a whole lot of nothing. Let all that run its course for a while, or from time to time. But consider these horrible circumstances can energize you. They can be learnings. They can inform your next chapter or life’s purpose. They can serve as fuel in the fight you’re fighting! How? First, let the emotions surface, and identify and spend time with them. Those are the fuel in of themselves that create energy to be applied to something you’re managing. Two, recall the times in your life when you were strong and survived over the years (write, draw, or talk about it), because that will give you the confidence and energy to do this. Three, focus on the learnings through the experience. You may have an idea of what you learned and can use already, and if you don’t, simply state that there will be learnings from this that are unclear now, and make a point to state and revisit them on a weekly basis. For me, one experience fueled my pivot from one type of coaching to my new mental wellness focused coaching now, as well as fueled me creatively (writing)! I’m also more outspoken about mental health as a result of what I faced.
Take it One Day at a Time
I know this is so hard to do because I’m sure you’re incredibly worried and incredibly stressed. It’s natural that you are thinking of all the worst-case scenarios, and how horrible it will be in a week when, or I have to do these 10 things by X or things will fall apart. Of course, yes - you have to plan; you have to be thinking ahead, but be aware that rumination is unhealthy - especially the things completely out of your control, and the unknowns. Helpful things are organizing a short list of today’s essentials, taking a mindful walk, doing deep breathing exercises throughout the day, or reflecting on what you did, what you’re grateful for, and what went well today. Another, is accepting how things are today, in this very moment. These are all evidence-based tools that bring you back to the present, and bring more calm to your life, if you do them with consistency. Whatever you do, remember that this is temporary, and that you can do this right in front of you today, because you did it yesterday.
Are you ready to confidently navigate through stress and crisis? Click the link below to set up your free discovery call to learn how I can help!