5 Ways to Cope with Our Bodies Changing

My body has changed a lot, many times over the years as an athlete, through pregnancy 2x, with chronic health issues, via injuries & surgeries, and now in perimenopause.

Some I chose, and were within my control, and some weren’t. Some I was very happy about, and others caused me a lot of anxiety, and sadness which negatively affected my mood, my work, and my overall quality of life. In fact, even the ones I was happy about caused me a lot of stress.

As a formerly perfectionistic, high-achieving person, I loved the feeling control gave me. Once I realized I had control of my work, I started leaning into executing all sorts of plans with tangible, and predictable outcomes in every part of life. I could control how others perceived me. I could hide my anxiety. I could change. I had that power.

I chose to make changes to my body, because I was very unhappy with it, and honestly with my whole self in general. If I didn’t feel confident and healthy, I sure as hell was going to manufacture it so it was what others saw. These changes calmed me and gave me quick, short hits of confidence. They were fear-based, self-hate based, short-lived, and created even more anxiety. Why? Because I didn’t actually value my body, and because I obsessed about my body. My thoughts about my weight and appearance were consuming. Most importantly, being too much in control, left me unprepared or adaptable to things happening outside of my control. I wasn’t adaptable. I wasn’t resilient. I didn’t have the coping skills for the unpredictable. I freaked out, and I panicked.

But the more I worked on the other parts of my well-being, and my inner self, the easier it was to cope with my body’s changes. The more my body changed, the more accepting and calmer I became. AND, the more coping skills I developed, the happier, and healthier I became in all facets of my life.

What’s certain for all of us, is that our bodies will change many times over the course of our lifetime, regardless of whether or not we are expecting them. Developing better tools for coping with them, empowers us to live less stressful, much happier lives. Here are 5 ways to approach coping with them in healthy ways:

Seek expertise ASAP

We often sit with changes we notice in our bodies for far too long, for a number of reasons - especially as women. Maybe we’re unaware of what’s happening to our bodies because we’re not paying attention. Other times, we’re consciously deprioritizing them for our kids, partners, or work. We may be avoiding getting outside help because we don’t trust ourselves, or because we’ve been gaslighted into thinking we’re dramatic. There have been many times when I sat with symptoms or issues for far too long, and it literally almost killed me. Two times I nearly died from allergic reactions to an ingredient in a diet pill I was taking to suppress my appetite. Other times, I’d work 12-hour days knowing full well I had a fever and sinus infection. Over time this shifted. I’ve fiercely advocated for myself when I experienced symptoms of Pulmonary Embolisms post-surgery, and it saved my life. I was admitted to the hospital nearly dying, that same day. So whether you’re feeling ill, have memory issues, weight loss/gain, hair loss, or something else, pay attention, seek medical attention, and seek expertise ASAP. Trust and advocate for yourself in the process, because it could provide peace, improve your quality of life, or even save it like it did mine. Your body; your physical health is your foundation, and it needs to function! The work and others can and should wait.

Tell people to MTOB

When multiple men commented on my postpartum body during my 1st week back to work, I was mortified, anxious, and stunned.  I felt small, insecure, unvalued, and depressed. All I could do was smile widely and say thank you repeatedly (I thought “diffuse, diffuse, Sarah.”). I had just built a two-figure multi-million dollar business, had strong friendships and working relationships with everyone that mattered, and this is what was on their minds? Should that be what is on mine too? I didn’t have the confidence, or the thought partnership to sort through it all. I truly didn’t think I had choices, so responding or doing something about it hadn’t even crossed my mind… even as the executive I was.  As a cycling instructor and a performer, people have commented on my body often with good intentions. Other people have suggested what I should wear, or have body-shamed me. So first, know that making unsolicited comments on your body, or people paying uncomfortable/inappropriate attention to it, is not ok; it’s not their business. Telling people “MYOB” can take many forms. Whether it’s developing both the courage and practicing a script to communicate boundaries, mentally preparing for unsolicited attention, or planning to report the incident or exit, there are options.

Change your expectations

Part of what makes body changes so difficult is our expectation that we have complete control over them. I’ve personally struggled with this a lot over the years, most recently as I’m going through perimenopause, and the things that worked for me for years suddenly stopped. Plus, I was faced with symptoms that caused me a great deal of stress, out of the blue. If there is one thing to expect, it’s the unexpected! We can’t predict what will happen, how we’ll feel, or how we’ll change exactly. But we can orient around the expectation that they will change. We can also lower our expectations of ourselves. If you’re someone who puts a lot of time and energy into your body through exercising, with clothing; or your appearance in general (especially if you’re in an industry or position where there are a lot of eyes on you), lower your expectations of yourself. You can’t achieve, and won’t achieve a perfect score, nor is it healthy to have that self-expectation. All of these ease some of the stress and anxiety leading up to, and during changes, you’ll experience over your lifetime. 

Shift your focus

There is such a thing as too much awareness and focus on your body, especially if you’re perfectionistic, or a high achiever and high performer. You only have so much capacity, and it’s not all well spent on the one-body challenge. You may be overthinking, obsessing, or simply spending far too much time and emotional energy on how to control your body or manage the changes it’s undergoing, as well as focused on “getting it right”. Giving 110% all the time will wear you down mentally, emotionally, and physically. So make a point to schedule or time box your focus on the changes. On paper, sort through what’s within your control, and what plans you’ve made to manage them. Most importantly, give yourself happy planned distractions in other facets of your life that calm you, energize you, and give you something/someone else to think about! There are other joys to experience.

Practice acceptance

I know this is easier said than done. It takes work, but you can do it! Acceptance may be letting go; it’s grieving the old body and the old life; the old things you were able to do, the ways you did them, who you did them with,  or the things you ate/drank you can no longer now. Another part of acceptance is adapting to the present, so maybe you need to get rid of old clothes, or make new friends more aligned with the new version of yourself. It can also mean stating out loud, or on paper the way things are today or now - and stating them without judgment. What’s great about acceptance, is that it creates space for you to create a newer, different version of yourself, and that can be fun, new, and exciting; opening up new possibilities, once you make peace with the past.

Are you ready to confidently cope with your body changing? Click the link below to set up your free discovery call to learn how 1-1 coaching can help!