Resilience in Whole Self Coaching

A couple of years ago, in the midst of the shelter-in-place era of COVID, I was alone in an apartment I’d rented, trying to make sense of what was happening in my life, and to the collective world. The past few years were the most difficult of my life, and layering COVID on top of my circumstances was unbearable. The years were filled with unexpected traumatic event after event, and I believed my life was over. All that kept me going were my two daughters.

I needed to make sense of what was happening, and I needed to make sense of my life. I was confused, desperate, and in search of perspective. Most of all, I needed hope. So I sat down and built a timeline of the most difficult experiences in my life, including the most recent ones.

There was a lot of tragedy, chaos, and crises over short stretches of time. During these times, and certainly afterward, there were also many smart decisions, progress, discovery, wins, and a lot of growth. It was my resilience that got me through it all and has driven me forward over the years.

Resilience is often defined as “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness”, but it’s more than that. It’s more than bouncing back. It’s cultivating emotional endurance. It’s saying to yourself, “I’m going through something big, or horrible, and while I can’t change it, I know I will get through it and grow from it, because I have the tools, and have done it before.”

Resilience is an important outcome of coaching work. The more resilient you are, the more you can weather. The more you can weather, the more you’re able to focus on your higher-level needs, dreams, AND what’s undefined; well beyond them. 

Here are a few core aspects we work on together, that cultivate resilience:

Embracing Your Story

Resilience starts with honoring you, and your experiences. Who are you, where have you been, and how did those experiences come to make you who you are? Everything from your culture, strengths, and formative experiences - especially the difficult ones are crucial to focus on in coaching work. Often from coaches, you hear “we won’t focus on your past”, which is ridiculous because it’s so important! We will discuss it, because it informs where you are today, and where you are going. Your story provides valuable resources that cultivate your growth. Through your story, we uncover tools that help you today and tomorrow. We’ll also pinpoint lessons and areas of development that serve as obstacles.

Building Foundational Well-Being

You can’t thrive if you’re barely surviving. As you work on cultivating sound well-being in day-to-day life, you gradually build resilience to manage more and learn more. You build a strong well-being baseline so that you can better weather storms and start layering on new, and more critical skills that lead to growth. Foundations range from talking, eating, exercising, socializing, and more. It’s not that we work to stop difficult things from happening in your life (though we can address what’s within your control). It’s that you become centered, strong, and rooted in your life, and your routines IN SPITE OF the world throwing stressors at you.

Developing Mindfulness

When you’re stressed out, and in the midst of chaos or crisis, it’s easy to get wrapped up in worst-case scenarios, or frankly - just shut down in defeat. Mindfulness is vital, because it grounds you in your present, and remaining grounded in what you’re currently experiencing provides clarity of mind, stillness, and peace of mind. There are many ways to practice mindfulness, but some of my favorites are via meditation, various forms of movement (anything that connects you to your body, or gets your body moving), and naming present emotions and senses via writing, or sharing (verbally).

Keep Your Eyes on the Prize

When bad things happened, I’d ask myself why This was happening to me. What does this mean, how will I survive, and what is it for? You can answer with a call back to your values, long-term aspirations, and goals. These things may be necessary, anticipated parts of your journey, or in other cases, they may be completely unexpected and out of your control. Coming back to your Meaning; your higher purpose will reassure, refocus you, and keep you hopeful. Even if you can’t find a specific one, focusing in the abstract on the experience as a lesson, and a growth catalyst will serve you (especially if you’re in a negative loop of “my life is over and this is pointless”).

Connecting to Others

You aren’t meant to go through it alone. I couldn’t have remained resilient if it weren’t for my care team (my coach, and therapist), my support system (friends and family), and serving others via coaching. Accepting the love and support of others, as much as giving back to others is instrumental in developing resilience. What you learn through these connections is that you’re not alone in your difficult experiences. You’re human! You also remember you’re worthy of love and care during difficult times. These connections uplift you, strengthen you, and provide valuable perspective that is often easy to lose during tough times.

Consciously Taking Risks

Once you’re on steady ground, it’s an amazing feeling. Now it’s time to proactively take on new experiences, and face fears because you’ve come full circle. Remember, adversity + your life experiences lead to more resilience and more growth! So, we work together to take calculated risks and experiences that push and stretch you. They enable you to develop more confidence, as well as learn and reflect from them. The more fears you challenge, and the more you experience, the more you grow.

Are you ready to become more resilient? Click the link below to setup your free discovery call to learn how I can help!